Charity Kay

In case you didn’t know, Kimmie and I announced a new pregnancy during the first week of July. We, along with family and many friends, were very thankful and excited to welcome a new baby. We immediately started dreaming and making plans for the new addition, stoked about Ella Jane becoming a big sister and being able to use the plural phrase, “our kids”. We imagined and welcomed the new challenges of driving, feeding, changing, teaching, and training two children at the same time. Ultimately, we realized that we were not only ready for a new baby, but we wanted one!

On Saturday, July 9th, Kim (about 4-5 weeks pregnant) called our midwives about some bleeding. She told us that it’s fairly common and could be something normal, but that we should go to the emergency room for peace of mind if it got worse (we wouldn’t be able to get an appointment to see a midwife until Monday when they re-opened). That it did, so we went to the Vanderbilt Emergency Room at about 4 p.m. that evening. We were there until 2:30 a.m. on Sunday. They ran various tests, but none were conclusive – it was too early to see the baby on the ultrasound and they’d have to compare lab work with more of the same conducted on Monday to diagnose what was going on. Painfully disappointed and deeply concerned, we went home to pray and sleep. That morning, we texted our pastor to let him know what was happening and we went to church for prayer. During that time, we felt very loved as our Conduit family rallied around us to share prayers, hugs, and encouragement. That afternoon, our housemates spent time with Ella Jane while we caught up on sleep. Later, we spent a few hours contacting a few friends and family members to beg for prayer. That night, we prayed very intensely and earnestly for quite some time before going to sleep. We prayed for healing. We prayed for survival. We told God that we trust His sovereignty, His wisdom, and His plan, but that we desperately wished to steward this life that belonged to Him. We closely felt the Father’s love and our faith was strengthened. I believed for this miracle without a doubt – I was “stepping out of the boat” as best I knew how, anointing Kim with oil, claiming the promises of the Lord, and speaking life over our baby. We even asked for a name, which we received: Charity Kay.

The next day we booked an appointment with the midwives at 1pm – though not without difficulty; the receptionist was not listening well and kept assuming Kim already had a confirmed miscarriage despite her repeated explanation to the contrary. We went in and they drew blood and told us that it “probably won’t go to the lab until 5 p.m.” and that they’d call us with results in the morning – or we could look up the results later that night online. How sensitive and compassionate. Well, that we did; sitting in our living room with our beloved housemates, we logged into Kim’s patient records and saw a steep fall in hormone levels. We had lost our precious baby Charity.

We are devastated not to be entrusted with her upbringing, but she brought us joy for several dreamy days and we fully trust the Lord and His plan. We’re crushed and we don’t understand, but we are confident that He knows what’s best for us and for our unborn daughter. We have no idea why He gave her to us for such a short time, nor do we know from what physical problems He might have been sparing her (perhaps that was the answer to our prayers for healing). We don’t know how He gets more glory by taking her than by letting us raise her – but we’re sure He does. We don’t know her purpose and legacy,  but we’re sure her short life is not a waste and that we’ll learn something from this by which we can praise the Lord and comfort others. We are baffled about why He gave us such great faith for a miracle we didn’t get to see.  We don’t know how we can miss someone so much who we’ve never met. What we do know is that GOD IS GOOD all the time! We just have to trust Him.

We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the prayer, concern, love, comfort, encouragement, and support you’ve given to us. We couldn’t ask for better family or truer friends. The only further thing we ask from you is that you’ll continue to walk with us on our journey with an appreciation for Charity’s significance and a grateful heart toward our great God.

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9 thoughts on “Charity Kay

  1. Well written article about a very personal journey; I am sorry for your loss. I can rejoice–because you realize still that God IS good; He is always pursuing in love.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk, let me know. Lots of love to you all. ❤

  3. I feel your devastation but rejoice in Charity’s life and God’s love. Love to you all.

  4. We love you deeply and pray for you all continually ! God is Good and His love endures forever and ever !

  5. Buckey and Kimmie, thank you for letting us into your life at such a painfully intimate time. We are there with you in prayer and believing in faith the our heavenly father will bless you through this. We love you!

  6. Thank you for sharing so deeply from your heart. One day Ella will meet her little sister and you and Kimmie will hold her in your arms. Meanwhile, our “heaveny father” will hold her for you, and us, and all your loved ones who were anticipating holding and kissing and culddling and getting to know this sweet soft baby. I continue to lift you and Kimmie and Ella up in prayer. I love you all more than I can say. Grammy loves you, Charity Kay!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this with us. You do understand so deeply. We are very sorry for your loss and will remember to keep you in our prayers and thanksgivings.

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